در گفتگوی آزاد و تمرین مکالمه، درباره چه صحبت کنیم؟

برای تسلط بر زبان انگلیسی و یادگیری مکالمه روان، ناگزیر هستیم که با آدم‌های بومی آن زبان صحبت کنیم. خوشبختانه در زمانه‌ای زندگی می‌کنیم که این کار راحت تر از همیشه است: سایتهای زیادی هستند که دسترسی به افرادی از زبان‌های دیگر را راحت کرده‌اند.

قبلاً سایت iTalki را – که به نظر ما از بقیه بهتر است- معرفی کرده‌ایم. سایت‌های متعدد دیگری هم هستند که با وجود تفاوتهایی که با هم دارند، کار تقریباً مشابهی انجام می‌دهند:

Verbling

Busuu

language exchange

My Language Exchange

حالا که دسترسی انقدر ساده است، سوالی که اهمیت پیدا می‌کند این است که

آیا می‌توانیم موضوعاتی را مطرح کنیم که برای هر دو جذابتر باشد و ما را مانند دو دوست به هم نزدیکتر کند؟

دوستی از نگاه علم

روانشناسی به نام آرتور آرون، تحقیق جالبی را در ارتباط با دوستی انجام داده است. او دو نفر را در یک اتاق قرار داد تا با هم صحبت‌های عادی و رایج را انجام دهند: اهل کجایی؟ کارت چیه؟ و غیره

این افراد، بعد از این موقعیت، تمایل کمی برای حفظ رابطه بعد از این گفتگو و تحقیق داشتند.

در آزمایش بعد، تعدادی سوال مشخص به این افراد داد تا از همدیگر بپرسند. سوالات شخصی درباره زندگی، سناریوهای فرضی و موضوعات جالب دیگر :

• What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
• If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
• Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

این افراد، بعد از مدتی که با هم احساس راحتی بیشتری کردند، به موضوعات شخصی‌تری مانند رویاها، خوشی‌ها و خانواده رسیدند.

• Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
• What is your most treasured memory?
• How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

و به تدریج این گفتگوها به سوالات صمیمانه‌تری مانند مرگ و آخرین گریه تبدیل می‌شدند:

• If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
• If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
• When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

بعد از 45 دقیقه گفتگو، شرکت‌کنندگان گزارش کردند که حس خوبی نسبت به طرف گفتگو داشتند و مایل بودند که بعداً هم با او در ارتباط باشند.
موضوع اصلی که منجر به این نتیجه می‌شود، خودافشایی است. اینکه بدانیم طرف مقابل ما اهل کجاست و چند خواهر و برادر دارد یا شغل خود را به او بگوییم، ما را به هم متصل و مرتبط نمی‌کند اما

دکتر آرون سوالات را طوری طراحی کرده بود که در کمتر از یک ساعت، به تدریج میزان خودافشایی بین دو نفر را بیشتر کند تا به اندازه دو دوست قدیمی درباره همدیگر شناخت داشته باشند و بهم هم نزدیک شوند.

ارتباط این موضوع با یادگیری زبان چیست ؟

اگر به هدف یادگیری زبان، با یک نفر شروع به صحبت کنید و از او بپرسید رابطه‌ات با مادرت چگونه است یا در کودکی چه مشکلاتی داشتی، آن شخص حس خوبی نسبت به این برخورد ما نخواهد داشت و مطابق انتظار ما تبدیل به یک دوست نخواهد شد.

با خواستن از او که بیا به نوبت از همدیگر سوال‌های واقعی و جدی بپرسیم هم این اتفاق نخواهد افتاد.

اما اگر لیستی از سوالات مناسب داشته باشیم و کمی هوشمندانه عمل کنیم، می‌توانیم گفتگوی گرم و جالبی را شروع کنیم.

مثلاً به جای “آب و هوای نیویورک چطور است” اگر بپرسیم “بهترین جای نیویورک از نظر شما کجاست” یا “شیرین‌ترین خاطره شما چیست”، متوجه خواهیم شد که آیا طرف مقابل علاقه‌ای به این نوع گفتگوها دارد یا نه و اگر کمی هم شانس بیاوریم، جهت گفتگو را به سمت خودافشایی بیشتر و در نتیجه یه گفتگوی صمیمانه‌تر و جالب‌تر هدایت خواهیم کرد.

در نتیجه یک دوست خوب پیدا خواهیم کرد که حاضر است با ما به زبان انگلیسی صحبت کند.

یک لیست از سوالات جالب برای گفتگو

در ادامه درس، لیستی از نمونه سوالاتی که می‌توانند موضوع گفتگوهای جالب باشند را آورده‌ایم. بخش اول این سوالات، سوالاتی هستند که در تحقیق انجام شده توسط دکتر آرون از شرکت‌کنندگان پرسیده می‌شد.

دسته دوم سوالاتی هستند که در یک تحقیق مشابه در سال 2008 مورد استفاده قرار گرفتند.

1- سوالات دکتر آرتور آرون

این سوالات در سه سطح 12 تایی دسته‌بندی شده‌اند و جواب دادن به هر سطح، مستلزم خودافشایی بیشتری است.

سوالاتی که شماره آنها برجسته شده است، گزینه‌های بهتری برای هدف ما و گفتگوهای موردنظر ما هستند.

دسته اول:

1- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3- Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
5=- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
7- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

دسته دوم:

13- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14- Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16- What do you value most in a friendship?
17– What is your most treasured memory?
18- What is your most terrible memory?
19- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20- What does friendship mean to you?
21- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

دسته سوم:

25- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
26- Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
27- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28- Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32– What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
3-. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why
36- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

تقریباً تمامی سوالات این تحقیق، از کتاب The Book of Questions استخراج شده‌اند (دانلود ویرایش آخر این کتاب).

2- سوالات تحقیق انجام شده در دانشگاه برکلی و MIT

دو محقق از دانشگاه برکلی و MIT، در سال 2008 تحقیق مشابهی درباره توسعه دوستی در یک گروه انجام دادند که در آن از سوالات زیر استفاده شد (+):

دسته اول:

1. Do your close friends tend to be older or younger than you?
2. Does living as if you control your own destiny lead to a more powerful life?
3. If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it?
4. What would your ideal or perfect life be like?
5. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?
6. Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?
7. What sorts of things would you do if you could be as outgoing and uninhibited as you wished?
8. What important decision in your professional life have you based largely upon your intuitive feelings? What about in your personal life?
9. While on a trip to another city, your spouse (or lover) meets and spends a night w/ an exciting stranger. Given they will never meet again, and you will not otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it?
10. Do you judge others by higher or lower standards than you judge yourself? Why?
11. How do you feel when people like you because they think you are someone you are not?
12. How many children do you hope to have? Do you know what you will name them? If yes, what?

دسته دوم:

1. If your friends and acquaintances were willing to bluntly and honestly tell you what they thought of you, would you want them to?
2. Would you be content with a marriage of the highest quality in all respects but one – it completely lacked sex?
3. What are you looking for when you converse with people? What kinds of things do you usually discuss? Are there things that would be more interesting to you?
4. If you could take a one-month trip anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?
5. How much do you tend to examine your actions and motives to find out more about yourself?
6. What was your most enjoyable dream? Your worst nightmare?
7. Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?
8. When you are with your friends, do your interactions include much touching – for example, hugging, kissing, roughhousing, or rubbing backs? Would you like to have more of this?
9. If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?
10. Can you envision how you are likely to look back upon the things you are doing today? If so, how much do you try to live now as you think you will one day wish you had lived?
11. What do you like the best about your life? Least? 1
12. What would make you feel most betrayed by your mate – indifference? Dishonesty? Infidelity?

دسته سوم:

1. Do you have any specific long-term goals? What is one and how do you plan on reaching it?
2. Do you ever feel nervous about hanging out with other people, even your close friends?
3. Do you find it so hard to say “no” that you regularly do favors you do not want to do? If so, why?
4. What things are too personal to discuss with others?
5. Have you ever disliked someone for being luckier or more successful than you?
6. Who is the most important person in your life? Wht could you do to improve the relationship? Will you ever do it?
7. Do you believe our life is predetermined by fate or is solely a consequence of the choices we make (or both)? Explain why.
8. If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, who would you question and what would you ask?
9. ould you risk your life for someone close to you out of feelings of obligation or out of feelings of love? What if the person asked you not to risk your life?
10. In terms of their relative unpleasantness, how would you rank the following: a nude stroll in public; being spat upon by a crowd of people; being arrested for shoplifting; begging for money at an airport?
11. If you were happily married, and then met someone you felt was certain to always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love, would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?
12. Do you believe in any sort of God? If not, do you think you might still pray if you were in a life-threatening situation?

3- سوالاتی از سایت Reddit

در این پست محبوب و پرمخاطب از سایت Reddit، افراد زیادی سوالاتی را که دوست دارند از دیگران بپرسند نوشته‌اند. در زیر لیستی از سوالات مناسب برای هدف یادگیری زبان را آورده‌ایم.

• What’s the last thing you’ve done for the very first time?
• What’s your favorite food and where I can get it?
• What is your favorite/least favorite word?
• What is your favorite/least favorite curse word?
• What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
• What’s your LEAST favorite movie?
• What are the top 3 websites you visit? (لیست کامل: +)
• If the world was going to end and you knew it, what 3 things would you do? (لیست کامل: +)
• What’s the best/worst gift you ever got?  (لیست کامل: +)
• What’s your favorite book/author?  (لیست کامل: +)
• If you could visit anywhere where would you go? (لیست کامل : +)
• What’s something (not language related) that you wish you were better at? (لیست کامل: +)
• What is something you can’t help but spend money on? (لیست کامل: +)
• How would you describe yourself if you could only use five words? (لیست کامل: +)